By Sicebise Msengana
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Pic: upavenue.com
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Once upon a time, a man and his wife decided to end their lives by
jumping off the mountain. They both count 3 times before jumping and on third count, the woman jumped and the man remained. As she was going down, she unleashed a parachute...
I can't count the times people have wept on my shoulder and spilled out stories of being betrayed, unwanted, and unloved. People are afraid to love partly because of the risks associated with loving.
A frustrated friend said, "Don't get emotionally involved with women! Stay aloof." Many people like my friend chose to live a stoic life, totally separated from feeling.
Fear of lovingAre you afraid to love again?
You may see couples afraid of identifying, they try to feel no emotions toward each other. People do not want to show their emotions because they will appear "too emotional, " some people stay single because they are afraid that there's something wrong with themselves.
Physical entities
Most people chose to detach their emotional selves from relationships and show up physically. People have adopted this strategy to protect themselves from hurt--be it infidelity, abise etc. The reason behind it is because of the past experiences of bad relationships.
Giving up
Nwabisa had put a gun to her pretty head when the love of her life left her for a hot bank teller who was slim and had long hair[world's standards of beauty]. It was one of the saddest days in her parent's lives. Her mother described her as care free, hard working, humble, beautiful and intelligent. "She was happy in her job. She felt happy about herself because she just graduated from college and completed her law degree. Nwabisa was the first person in the family to get a degree," said her brother, Ntokozo.
Matthew, 30, saw his fiancee of two years in the arms of another man. They had broken the engagement six months ago. One day, Matthew called her."Please, Katherine, I want to see you for the last time."
"Why Matthew? Anyway, if this is the last time, I will make a date then."
"Thank you, Katherine." They went out to eat and after a few drinks they drove together in Matthew's car.
Seven weeks later, the police found a headless body of a young woman in her late twenties bin the bush. The body was discovered by a passerby. The victim was identified as Katherine. By questioning people at the restaurant after she went missing. Katherine was last seen with Matthew that day and it is reported that they sat and talked for hours. After talking they drove to the nearest bush. Then, out of the blue, Matthew reached out and strangled her. Cutting off her head and buried it under the muddy ground. He then run a short distance into the woods and hid the body.
When the police took him in for questioning:he denied anything in connection with the brutal murder of Katherine. A week later, Matthew was found lying in a pool of blood. "The motive behind the suicide was primarily the guilt building up inside of Matthew," said police captain.
An intense investigation into the matter, revealed that Matthew and Katherine had problems in their relationship. Matthew being a jealous man decided to put a halt to things. When things don't go our way or as expected, we give up on love.
Afraid of commitment "I'm not sure if he is the right man for me," she told her friend, Mpho as they were shopping. "Why not?" Mpho was marvelled by her friend's tone. "He is not like the other boy I've dated. Loyiso is a successful businessman but not a romantic type!" Karabo wad afraid of committing to a relationship devoid of romance. "What do you mean why?" Mpho pressed her her for an answer. Then she smiled. "I want someone to take me to heaven. Make me feel like I'm the only woman in the universe. But I'm afraid if I commit he might use me just like that dork I was seeing the previous years before meeting Loyiso."
We put a lot of expectations in our relationships and when thosr expectations are not met, we either remain in the current relationship or we move to the next relationship. Being broken-hearted can cause people to be afraid of committing to their relationships. Karabo, a medical doctor, had been seeing Loyiso for some time. Yet, after four years of dating, she was afraid of committing herself to the relationship.
Vuyokazi, a 28-year-old accountant for a local company, was miserable after she broke up with Thabo, 31, an engineer, three months ago. Thabo, a womaniser, dumped her for a 23-year-old social science student, Nobuhle. Charming, successful, well-groomed and outgoing. Thabo fit the stereotype of a good man. Thabo used women when he wasn't partying with his friends. After a string of relationships with multiple women he had a reputation for being a user. Yet women couldn't stay away.
Money over love
Beauty, a 22-year-old student changed rich men like socks. Her desire for comfort made it hard for her to accept and date a man her own age. At one time, she was courting a 59-year-old businessman. This old gentleman then bought her a Mercedes and lavished money on her! All the rich men in Beauty's life were just pawns in her ambitious plans to have her needs taken care of.
Statistically, most people value security and comfort over a relationship based on real affection.
What are your thoughts on this complex issue surrounding relationships and love?
