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| Pic: Alwaysonpurpose.com |
For most of my childhood and young adulthood, I dreamt of being a political leader--a president, in particular. After reading about the exploits of Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, Gandhi, Winston Churchill, Malcom X, Steve Biko and many other great heroes, I would close my eyes and envision myself up on the podium making fiery, heart-felt speeches that moved the nations of the world, people of all races shouting and pledging their support to my cause. I would daydream for hours on end.
The fantasy caught up with me even in high school. After passing my matric, I enrolled in social sciences and had political science as a subject.
In varsity, I engaged in political debates and joined student political organisations. It was never a question of if I would be a president. But when. It was a matter of claiming my divine right. I would stay up late reading, watching debates and news, analysing various strategies made by past and present political leaders. Despite dreaming and believing about becoming a president, nothing came out of it.
Reason being I was in love with the result--the aspects of being a young, bold, charismatic and aspiring leader of men--people cheering and shouting on top of their lungs at me while I delivered some of the best public speaking acts in history. However, I was not in love with the process of fulfilling those dreams.
The daily routine of campaigning tirelessly, rehearsals, debating and rallies, sleepless nights and dirty politics, seemed like climbing up to the summit of Mount Everest.
It was until I realised that I wanted something, but didn't work to achieve the end result.
Happiness is simply like that:
We have to put an effort into our pursuit for happiness. Happiness won't come your way simple through prayer, reading self-help books or following popular mantras. No. Work your way to happiness.
1. Happy people check their expectations
While it is a good thing to dream or fantasise, but we should carefully discern fantasy from reality. Be mindful of your underlying expectations that distort your reality.
2. Happy people have a strong source of motivation
So what is driving you? According to many studies conducted by social scientists, many vulnerable people often have an urge to compensate unmet needs with compulsive behaviours. Some young girls date older men because of the absence of a father figure in their lives. Or are you truly expressing yourself because of the gifts you possess?
3. Happy people take responsibility
Blame shifting is part of the human nature. We live in a world that is obsessed with playing the victim. "If only I hadn't been born poor...If only I had better parents and opportunities...If only I'd find a perfect man or woman...I'd be happy." Blaming everyone and everything else for problems and challenges that come our way is a serious indication of immaturity.
Happy people are well aware of the power of making choices and taking responsibility. They recognise their own mistakes and work to improve on them. On the other hand, unhappy people always find a way to make excuses.
4. Happy people enjoy what they do with their lives
The secret of happy people--they enjoy everything they do. To an unhappy person, it seems like hard work, for them (happy people) it's what they love doing.
Someone who believes that happiness is hard work, will never be happy. Someone who understands that putting an effort into their "emotional account" and enjoys what they do, finds happiness and contentment.
5. Happy people have the "I can do it" mentality
One of the biggest problems in society is learned hopelessness. When we believe that we are not able to influence or change the outcome in our lives, we lose hope, we lose the willpower to go on. Some even claim "you can't fight destiny."
But happy people already know that the future is not yet written, so its up to us to set a new path (surely, you can't change what is meant to be but you can change your attitude and cope). A happy person is someone who takes responsibility and bold enough to take whatever way necessary to bring forth change to his/ her life and the lives of those around him or her.
6. Happy people are content with themselves and what they have
Contentment is the source of happiness and discontentment is the root of misery. How much pain could be avoided if we were satisfied with what we are or what we have? Its not wrong to want a better job, better house, better clothes etc. But there's a thin line between self-improvement and greed.
Unhappy people tend to dwell on negative things and constantly worry about the future. Happy people see the bigger picture (including the bad) and live in the present with gratitude for what they have.
For your homework, take a pen and paper list all the things that make you unhappy. Now brainstorm solutions to those problems. Give yourself 3 points for each solution to the problems listed. Practice the resolutions you come up with repeatedly until you get a grip on things.
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