By Sicebise Msengana
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| Pic: shantihp.blogspot.com |
What do we desire in others? As human beings we tend to design the perfect person for a particular relationship--be it a romantic, someone to play sports with, a group member, church member, whatever. Can you think of the personality traits you'd want this person to have? Have you ever wondered why some people--perhaps even you are not having good relations with your family, partner, spouse?
Relationships share similarities all over the world. Family ties, friendships, marriages, love-- these are relationships all human beings experience. To an extent, of course, that's true; are somewhat universal
to humankind. However, these points stand out on how to improve your relationships:
Commitment. Though the importance of commitment to the relationship is often stressed, commitment on fear of a breakup is not as powerful as commitment built on positive merits of a continuing relationship. Commit yourself and you will notice the results.
Keep the intimacy. In a romantic relationship its of the importance to keep the ''spark'' alive. Intimacy can only develop between two people who share an open and honest relationship. You can also tell your woman that you are feeling down a bit and you don't want it to ruin your love life. Ask her to bring you back to the moment. When you are with your woman, tell her exactly what you want, how you want it.
Get rid of false expectations. Most people start their relationships with positive feelings about their chosen partners; after all, they are in love. Yes, positive illusions have been found to be helpful. But the problem lies: If someone doesn't meet our expectations, we feel every need to punish them. Lower your expectations.
Give and take principle. For a man, true love is looking for that missing element outside the relationship and giving it willingly. In a relationship its not about what you and when you want it. If you want your relationships to strive, let go of that selfish attitude, ''it's all about me.'' Discover what your partner wants, what your spouse wants, what your children want. Know their likes and dislikes, surprise your woman or man.
Understanding the relationship. One major factor is the failure to understand the reality of the relationship. No one is perfect. No matter how ideal the other person is. One of a person's fantasies is to be swept away by ''Prince Charming'' or '' Snow white.'' Fire works explode, waves pound, two hearts beat as one. Flowers, love letters, and long romantic walks on the beach. Eventually, over time it becomes obvious that he or she has negative qualities and positive ones. The minor flaws which made her to be beautiful and endearing now become an issue. You need to be realistic about how long it will take for a genuine relationship to develop with your partner.
Resist the urge to change others. We enjoy feeling superior than others. It means we get what we want from the relationship. We are hurting the person we are meant to love more than anyone else. In order to improve your relationships, we need to focus on changing ourselves--not the other person. Change for yourself and be a man that you can be proud of.
Build trust. Be accountable to the people around you. Be accountable for everything you do, and show them that you are honest. Tell her how you feel about certain things. Learn to be a man of your word and keep your promises.
Give it your best. In everything you do , give it your best effort, but tell yourself that it could go either way. Don't take yourself seriously; don't take things personally.
Respect them. Respect is the glue to any relationship. Don't force things. However, loving and respecting your relationships is enough in the beginning. Know the boundaries.
Value them. Treasure your parents, children, girlfriend, boyfriend etc. People live restless lives because they want experiences that are ''out of this world.'' There's no way you are going to find someone who is going to fits your list. Even if you did find someone, you will later on find out that something wrong with them.
My wish is that you find someone who loves for who you are. Someone with whom you can relax and be yourself. They will stay with you no matter what. A close friend can be your parent, child, spouse, girlfriend or boyfriend. Do you know someone you share such a bond?
to humankind. However, these points stand out on how to improve your relationships:
Work on the problems. Remaining in a difficult and unfulfilling relationship is not easy. Many people are quick to leave a relationship that doesn't meet their needs, and it seems easier to dissolve a marriage or leave a church or
friendship than it is to work on correcting problems. Although, it may not be best to live in dangerous and abusive situations, fixing problems is the best way.
friendship than it is to work on correcting problems. Although, it may not be best to live in dangerous and abusive situations, fixing problems is the best way.
Loving is the greatest. Love is the foundation of any relationship-- be it a romantic, family or friendship. Love is one of the most powerful feelings which we are capable-- involves much more than passion; it involves caring and commitment. Love is something more than friendship, and something differently from merely being romantically or sexually attracted in another person.
Commitment. Though the importance of commitment to the relationship is often stressed, commitment on fear of a breakup is not as powerful as commitment built on positive merits of a continuing relationship. Commit yourself and you will notice the results.
Keep the intimacy. In a romantic relationship its of the importance to keep the ''spark'' alive. Intimacy can only develop between two people who share an open and honest relationship. You can also tell your woman that you are feeling down a bit and you don't want it to ruin your love life. Ask her to bring you back to the moment. When you are with your woman, tell her exactly what you want, how you want it.
Get rid of false expectations. Most people start their relationships with positive feelings about their chosen partners; after all, they are in love. Yes, positive illusions have been found to be helpful. But the problem lies: If someone doesn't meet our expectations, we feel every need to punish them. Lower your expectations.
Give and take principle. For a man, true love is looking for that missing element outside the relationship and giving it willingly. In a relationship its not about what you and when you want it. If you want your relationships to strive, let go of that selfish attitude, ''it's all about me.'' Discover what your partner wants, what your spouse wants, what your children want. Know their likes and dislikes, surprise your woman or man.
Understanding the relationship. One major factor is the failure to understand the reality of the relationship. No one is perfect. No matter how ideal the other person is. One of a person's fantasies is to be swept away by ''Prince Charming'' or '' Snow white.'' Fire works explode, waves pound, two hearts beat as one. Flowers, love letters, and long romantic walks on the beach. Eventually, over time it becomes obvious that he or she has negative qualities and positive ones. The minor flaws which made her to be beautiful and endearing now become an issue. You need to be realistic about how long it will take for a genuine relationship to develop with your partner.
Resist the urge to change others. We enjoy feeling superior than others. It means we get what we want from the relationship. We are hurting the person we are meant to love more than anyone else. In order to improve your relationships, we need to focus on changing ourselves--not the other person. Change for yourself and be a man that you can be proud of.
Build trust. Be accountable to the people around you. Be accountable for everything you do, and show them that you are honest. Tell her how you feel about certain things. Learn to be a man of your word and keep your promises.
Give it your best. In everything you do , give it your best effort, but tell yourself that it could go either way. Don't take yourself seriously; don't take things personally.
Respect them. Respect is the glue to any relationship. Don't force things. However, loving and respecting your relationships is enough in the beginning. Know the boundaries.
Value them. Treasure your parents, children, girlfriend, boyfriend etc. People live restless lives because they want experiences that are ''out of this world.'' There's no way you are going to find someone who is going to fits your list. Even if you did find someone, you will later on find out that something wrong with them.
My wish is that you find someone who loves for who you are. Someone with whom you can relax and be yourself. They will stay with you no matter what. A close friend can be your parent, child, spouse, girlfriend or boyfriend. Do you know someone you share such a bond?
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