How African are you?
*Your parents won’t give you privacy because its their house
*Your mother hits you and hits you harder if you keep on crying
*When you have uncles and aunts younger than you
*You drink tea even when its blazing hot outside
*When your parents yell at you for hurting yourself
*When your relatives come to visit you get to sleep on the floor
*You never call elders by their names (‘Mama’ ‘Papa’ ‘Aunty’ ‘Uncle’)
*Microsoft Word underlines your name and surname, at least in red
*When you hear people saying ‘They're calling you.’ When it’s one person who's calling you
*Where everybody has that funny nickname
*You expected to get umakoti (wife) or umyeni (husband) out of nowhere, when your parents gave you instructions not to date
*When ice cream contains are filled with leftovers
*Cows are still seen as lobola (dowry)
*Mastering the art of balancing stuff on your head is considered as a suitable bride
*A young girl who covers her head is considered as a ‘wife material’
*Eat all the food on the plate and eat meat last
*When you were young, there were special clothes reserved for Sunday or Christmas
* Leave the lights on in case thieves may think that someone is in the house
*When someone offers you food, you first look at your mom for approval before you accept it
*At a family occasion or funeral. A random person : ‘Hi, you have grown so much. Last saw you when you were two years. Do you still remember?’
*Your mother gives you a hiding and you start crying. She then asks you ‘Why are you crying?’
* You're African but they still expect you to speak and write English perfectly
* When you are telling the truth but then you smile and no one believes you
* When your grandma was your line of defence against your mother, sparing you from getting a beating
*The best utensils are only reserved for special guests, no matter how old you grow you still don’t qualify
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